I got carded...but not for alcohol or tobacco

On Tuesday afternoon, while enjoying Assessment Day without any classes, I decided to venture over to Wal-Mart to stock up on deodorant, Orbitz chewing gum, and to purchase a new movie (I was in a spending mood).

I browsed through a surprisingly extensive section. Not willing to spend $19 on a recent release, I meandered over to the cheaper section. I found many possible movies to buy, including Starsky and Hutch, The Notebook, Friday Night Lights, Bad Boys II, etc. Having visited Trinity a couple weeks ago, there were two particular movies that I had in mind. Austin Powers in Goldmember and Super Troopers.

It was a tough call, and being as Dutch as I am, I decided to buy only one of them. However, one might think that Goldmember's Dutch heritage would cause me to buy Goldmember, but too many things came to me while holding Super Troopers.

"It stinks like sex in here."

"And thats the second time I got crabs."

"I'm sorry, Bruce. These boys get that syrup in 'em, they get all antsy in their pantsy."

"Candy-bars!"

Ursula: Drop your coat and grab your toes.
Foster: What?
Ursula: I'm gonna show you where the wild goos goes.
Foster: Uh, this isn't happening. I'm a police officer. Ursula, help.
Ursula: Baby, I'm gonna butter your bread. [Foster turns, sees Ursula is "holding him up"]
Ursula: [still talking into the voice filter] You don't have these at your station?
Foster: I don't suppose you have a fresh pair of underwear I can borrow?

As you can see, these were too good to put back on the shelf. So, movie, deodorant and gum in hand, I walked up front to the cash register. The woman politely asked the same question she asks every single customer,
"Did you find what you were looking for?"
And I politely answered back, "I did, thank you."
She scanned my first two items. Then, with movie in hand, she asked for me my ID. This marks the one and only time that I have ever been carded while trying to buy an R-rated movie. A little dumbfounded, I handed her my driver's license. For some reason she had to repeat aloud what year I was born, "1983, ok." As if the math was too difficult to perform mentally, who really knows.

While walking back to my car, I couldn't help but think about my situation. Legally (which no one really enforces, or so I thought), a person had to be 17 years old to see, buy or rent an R-rated movie. I wonder what this woman was thinking when she assumed that I was still 16 years old or younger. I thought my 2-day growth of stubble (which is still peach fuzz) would be enough for people to see that I am old enough to buy such a movie. I guess not.

Hookah

It has come to my attention that not all readers of my blog know what a hookah is. Check out this picture to understand a little more (and this one of a friend "taking a hit"). While browsing google for this image, I also found this fellow blogger who posted about smoking the hookah. I found the story to be quite insightful and it may do the same for you.

The Glass Onion, Crack Houses & the Brothers' Nightclub

Well, much has been happening in southwest Michigan over spring break.

Having gained an interest in "smoking the hookah" since being at Dordt, I decided to search through the phone book for a place that might have such a contraption. Well, I found one. The Glass Onion. I don't know where they get the name from, perhaps its some hippie lingo about a special bong, whatever.

Anyway, my visit to the Glass Onion was quite interesting. The building used to be a house, transformed into a shop on a busy street. I walk in the door (enclosed porch) and smell something that has never penetrated the boundaries of my nostrils before. Now, I've never been around someone smoking pot, but if I had to guess what it smelled like, it would be the aroma that hit me when I entered. It smelled like a mixture of many different, peciuliar things, too dificult to explain.

I then walked through a doorway into the main shop area (a former den/living room). On the left is a glass counter, a cash register and a young gal (mid 20's) who was conversing with a female customer. What this female customer was doing is what got my attention. Having seen people take drugs in movies is the image that popped into my head when I saw her smoking something (I didn't get a good look at it, didn't want to stare). I consider myself somewhat knowledgable on this topic having seen the movie Requiem for a Dream.

I looked around for a little while. The Glass Onion has in stock some very interesting items. Hackie-Sacks, posters (Hendrix, Pink Floyd, Marley, etc.), records, bandanas, braiding material, hippie-ponchos, black lights, smoking aparatuses (is that spelled right?), etc. And yes, there were hookahs for sale in the Glass Onion. Ranging in styles from the basic, costing $85, to a hand-blown hookah, costing over $200. I'm not really an expert on hookahs, but does a hand-blown hookah perform better? I don't know, and frankly, I don't care.

Needless to say I exited the establishment before the police knocked down the door and came rushing in...as they did in the Crack house not too far from where I sit at this very moment.

Earlier this week, the Kalamazoo Valley Enforcement Team arrested 3 men in a cocaine bust. Apparently, drug activity resumed less than 24 hours later in the same house. When will people learn?

And my personal favorite...The Brothers' Nightclub. No, not a night club for African Americans, but a night club that is "gay oriented." Well, in Thursday's newspaper, I read that said nightclub had $75,000 is damages because of a fire the previous night. I couldn't help but laugh for more than one reason. First, I didn't know Kalamazoo had a gay night club. And second, I'm sure that a gay nightclub doesn't just erupt in a blaze of glory unless there is some external assistance. Owner Cevin Armentrout (is that a real name or alias?) appeared to be quite disgruntled from the look of his picture in the paper.

The latest news is that the "nightclub fire suspicious, officials say." I'm no expert, but I have seen the movie Backdraft before, and I would say this fire was no accident. Heck, if I had known about the club, this probably would have happened sooner (wink, wink). And if you think what I just said was bad, wait til you hear what someone said today at work. I'll paraphrase..."Its too bad the fire didn't happen on the weekend when it would have had more people inside." Are you as astonished as me?

Well, I got to admit, my spring break at home was not as boring and mundane as I thought it would be. Events like these don't happen too often, but when they do, I feel the need to share my delight with my blogger friends. So, read them, consume them, and enjoy them.

My Inter-racial Interaction

Tonight I decided to go to the mall and buy myself a pair of shoes. A fairly normal thing to do, except on St. Patrick's Day.

While all of the caucaisians were filling the local pubs and restaurants to celebrate some day that encourages alcohol consumption, the African Americans decided to leave the north side and venture out to the Crossroads Mall (no, it is not named after Britney Spears' movie).

As I entered the Finish Line store where I was looking at shoes, I couldn't help but notice the large gathering of my 'brothers' around the shoe department. My first thought was, "Its a good thing I'm one of theirs, some white boy might feel out of place in this situation."

Anywho, after meandering around looking for a studly pair of shoes, I walked by a fellow talking with a heavy Kenyan accent. He spoke in broken ebonics to me,
"I really like your country."
My perceptive skills told me he was joking, so I asked,
"Oh yeah, where are you from?"
Hindsight says this was a stupid question, one that could easily be answered. His response, "Africa" (at which point some other 'brothers' and 'sisters' started laughing).
Granted, I walked into that one, but it was it was still a good one.

Moments later, another 'brother' noticed my Dordt College Basketball attire. He asked if I played basketball (a stupid question considering my clothes). However, I didn't want to offend my own kind, so I answered politely. This developed into a conversation saying how he could "do me" on the court. And by "do me" I hope he means that he could "beat me", and by "beat me" I hope he means he would "school me".

All in all, the gangs from the northside were having a good time, as was I. It felt good to share some time with my 'brothers', if you know what I mean.

And if you're wondering whether or not I bought shoes...I did. Nothing special, just a regular pair of shoes (on sale of course)

#1?

I just finished watching a show on VH1. You may have seen it, or something like it. "The 100 Greatest One-Hit Wonders." I only saw the last 5-6 songs, but I was reminded of some old time classics that I will probably never forget.

Go ahead and take a minute to think of some songs that you think should be in the top 5.

Ok, here is the top 6 one hit wonders. Are you ready to re-live some good times???
#6: "Who Let the Dogs Out" by the Baha Men

#5: "Mickey" by Tony Basil

#4: "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred

#3: "Come On Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners

#2: "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell

#1: "The Macarena" by Los Del Rio

Wow, talk about some great songs. I could probably sing along word-for-word if any of these songs came on the radio tonight.

If you know what goes on in F5, you may be wondering where some other songs finished on the 1-hit wonders list.

#7: "Ice, Ice, Baby" by Vanilla Ice

#9: "Rico Suave" by Gerardo

#12: "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot

#22: "Play that Funky Music" by Wild Cherry

Unfortunately, such other classics like "Summer Girls" by LFO was not on the list. I really think it should have been, because I can't think of another song they had. Also, as far as I'm concerned, Britney Spears' only hit is "Baby One More Time." Also, not on the list. And another song I heard last week that I haven't heard since high school, "No Pigeons" by Sporty Thievz.

Spring Break-2005

Destination(s): Point Lookout, Missouri. Palos Heights, Illinois. Portage, Michigan.

Point Lookout, MO: Why? To watch the TCC trolls play in the national tournament for mens basektball.

Palos Heights, IL: Trinity Christian College to visit friends. Among them, Curtis De Vries, Paul Drucker, Andy Borozan, Steve Vander Ploeg, Ty De Witte, Jennifer Westrate and Eric Chapell.

Portage, MI: Home to see Mom and Dad, brother Joe, sister Chris, and other assorted church members, etc.

Some of you may be asking, "Are you doing all this alone?" Well, not entirely. I will be accompanied by Misty May (known as my 2002 Grand Prix GT). She is silver with chrome rims and she looks mighty good. I am also looking forward to this journey because one of my favorite bloggers let me use his computer to burn a multitude of CD's this past weekend.
All in all, this trip will be my first trip (other than trips to Dordt and back) where I'm on the open road with no real clue of where I'm going, but I'll keep my atlas and my cooler of Mt. Dew by my side, along with my pimpin' sunglasses and sunflower seeds.

This may be my last post until I make it home, hopefully by next weekend. Try not to worry too much about me, I can take care of myself.